Senior Planet’s “Intercourse at Our Age” column often presents one detailed query and Joan Worth’s detailed reply. However sometimes she assembles brief questions that want solely temporary solutions, referred to as “Quickies.”
Quickie #1: Family lube?
I’m a 72-year-old male. What ought to we use for a lube for unplanned intercourse? A lady just lately invited me again to her place. One factor led to a different, and we ended up in mattress. However her lube bottle had leaked out all its contents. We had a very good giggle and loved our time collectively. For the long run, what’s a secure family merchandise to make use of?
Joan responds:
No home goods, please! Use a high-quality lubricant made for intercourse with body-safe substances. An excellent lubricant makes intercourse snug, pleasurable, and arousing. The flawed substance inside an growing older vagina may end up in irritation, UTIs, and extra. Preserve lube available, and if the sexual encounter is away from house, carry sampler packets so that you’re all the time ready.
Quickie #2: Toy throughout intercourse?
I’m 63 with a comparatively new associate. He’s great in mattress. However I can’t attain orgasm with out utilizing a vibrator. The toys I’ve aren’t good throughout intercourse as a result of they get in his manner. I need to discover a toy that I can use on my clitoris throughout sexual activity. Options?
Joan responds:
Utilizing a clitoral vibrator will increase the chance of orgasm throughout intercourse. Many vibrators take up an excessive amount of area to be used throughout intercourse, however fortunate for us, a number of goal the clitoris with out blocking vaginal entry. Some strategies, with hyperlinks to my opinions to study extra:
Confused about courting? Hear Joan Worth talk about “How on earth do I date at this age?” throughout her webinar on April 19. Register and get particulars right here.
Quickie #3: No intercourse, no affection.
He’s 86 and I’m 82, married 64 years. No intercourse, hugging, kissing for over 15 years. He’s not fascinated by intercourse and says girls of my age aren’t alleged to have intercourse. Because of intercourse toys, I nonetheless have orgasms, which I get pleasure from very a lot. I’ve requested him to make use of his mouth or fingers on me, however he refuses, says I’m loopy and may develop up. He received’t speak to a wedding counselor. I’d like to lie with him and hug, however he sleeps in a recliner for his respiratory. I can’t afford to divorce him and reside by myself. What ought to I do?
Joan responds:
Your husband doesn’t need any sort of intercourse with you, shames and insults you for wanting it, and received’t see a counselor. There’s been no affection or intimacy for 15 of your 64 years collectively. You say financially, you possibly can’t afford to go away — however emotionally, are you able to afford to remain? Your marriage received’t enhance, and also you deserve higher. Do you’ve gotten a sort pal or relative you might stick with for some time to really feel what it’s wish to be accepted and never insulted? I hope that might empower you to search for a special residing state of affairs, perhaps with roommates.
Quickie #4: Church says no, can I say sure?
I’m a 63-year-old lady, by no means married. I’ve gone to church my entire life and was instructed to attend until marriage to have intercourse. However there’s nothing to attend for — I’m previous now. I met a person who needed to have intercourse on the primary date. I mentioned no, not as a result of I didn’t need to, however as a result of I’ve been instructed all my life it’s flawed. I don’t know what to do anymore.
Joan responds:
Your need and curiosity are battling your upbringing. It’s comprehensible that you simply’re torn. You needed to say sure to this man who provided intercourse on a primary date. Was that since you have been drawn to him, snug with him, and anticipating intercourse? Or did you see it primarily as a method to lastly have this expertise? Because you requested me (a intercourse educator) as a substitute of your pastor, I feel you need encouragement to observe your wishes. I assist you. However I feel it’s best to maintain out for somebody you understand higher than a primary date — a person you belief, who makes you are feeling secure in addition to turned on. You may speak to a intercourse therapist (not related together with your church) to determine what you need to do and methods to cope with your ambivalent emotions. I want you pleasure!
Quickie #5: Safer intercourse.
My divorced buddies and I, in our 60s, disagree about whether or not we have to use condoms with new companions. A few of us say there’s no want anymore and others argue STIs are nonetheless a threat. Settle this argument for us, Joan.
Joan responds:
Use barrier safety with each new associate. Make it your coverage and don’t waver. Seniors are in danger for STIs simply as a lot as youthful of us, or much more, as a result of growing older vaginal tissue is thinner. Sobering reality: amongst older adults within the US, STI charges greater than doubled from 2012 to 2022, in line with the CDC. I invite you to view my free 45-minute video “Safer Intercourse for Seniors with Joan Worth,” which explains “why,” “what,” and “how” — sprinkled with humor and surprises.
Your Flip
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- Test https://seniorplanet.org/creator/joan-price/ in case Joan has already addressed your subject.
- Joan can solely reply questions from folks age 60 and above.
- Chosen questions might be answered on this public column, not privately. If you would like a non-public reply, you possibly can e-book Joan for a private session.
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- Able to submit your query? E mail [email protected].
Joan Worth has been Senior Planet’s “Intercourse at Our Age” columnist since 2014. She is the creator of 4 self-help books about senior intercourse, together with her award winners: “Bare at Our Age: Speaking Out Loud about Senior Intercourse” and “Intercourse after Grief: Navigating Your Sexuality after Shedding Your Beloved.” Go to Joan’s web site and weblog for senior intercourse information, views, ideas, and intercourse toy opinions from a senior perspective. Subscribe to Joan’s free, month-to-month e-newsletter.