Completely happy Anniversary! This month marks the tenth anniversary of Joan Value’s Intercourse and Relationships recommendation column for Senior Planet – with 123 columns in that point! Here’s a ten-year retrospective, and a take a look at the highest 4 intimacy points for seniors, some assets, and extra.
How ‘Ask Joan” began
“I actually do want your assist. I’ve a husband who loves me and wishes the intimacy we used to have. I appear to have misplaced the need nearly altogether, and my poor husband is struggling.”
My first column for Senior Planet, The best way to Set off Want in a Stale Relationship, appeared Could 6, 2014. We began with a blast: 4 columns within the first month. You requested about lack of want, the right way to sign curiosity in intercourse, STIs and safer intercourse, and vibrators.
Then we switched to month-to-month. Within the first yr, you despatched me questions on moral non-monogamy, painful intercourse, troubled relationships, on-line courting, sexless marriage, ED, partner watching porn, problem reaching orgasm, faking orgasms, and extra.
“I worry we’re going to expire of questions,” my editor emailed me in 2017. I giggle at that now. I nonetheless obtain much more questions than I can reply with one column monthly. “Ask Joan” isn’t going away anytime quickly!
How has “Ask Joan” modified?
Solely the column size. You’ll see that early columns are quick, only a bit over half the size of newer ones. Because the column’s recognition grew, so did the size of each your tales and my solutions.
What hasn’t modified?
The questions you requested ten years in the past are nonetheless those that concern you right now. Though I wish to fluctuate the subjects, I hold coming again to those prime 4, since you hold asking.
Incompatibility of sexual wants and wishes between spouses or lovers is, by far, the #1 matter you write me about, month after month, yr after yr. Not figuring out the right way to talk these wants and wishes is an enormous a part of the issue. You write about wanting extra intercourse than your accomplice — or much less. You describe sexless marriages, emotions of rejection when your partner doesn’t need intercourse with you, and craving to know your lack of want whenever you’re the one not wanting intercourse.
Courting as seniors and initiating intercourse in new relationships. I hear from newly courting singles attempting to determine when and the way intercourse suits into a brand new relationship. Seniors with medical points surprise when they should disclose them. Widowed individuals write about how quickly to begin courting and when it will result in intercourse.
Orgasms or their lack is one other enormous problem, particularly (however not solely) for girls. Our our bodies change as we age. What we want for arousal and orgasm adjustments. With dependable data, we are able to recapture our sexual pleasure.
Intercourse toys. I sing the praises of high-quality vibrators, as a result of in lots of instances, they’re the reply to elusive orgasms. When our our bodies want extra stimulation than our common solo or partnered intercourse can present, vibrators to the rescue!
Assets in your most-asked questions
Your Feedback
It’s fascinating to see which subjects inspire you to remark. Some columns have six or seven feedback — others have tons of! Years-old columns are nonetheless getting new feedback, most likely since you’re looking out by matter, not simply studying the present month.
These columns prompted essentially the most dialogue, judging by the remark rely as of Could 6, 2024:
- “The best way to take care of a sexless marriage,” August 2017, 404 feedback.
- “A Senior’s Information to Solo Intercourse,” February 2017, 262 feedback.
- “Is This Embarrassing Odor Regular for Older Girls?” March 2016, 114 feedback.
- “What’s Good For Seniors: The best way to take care of a partner who continually desires intercourse,” June 2022, 105 feedback.
In your feedback, you share the way you relate to the subject in your individual relationships, desires, wants, and emotions. It’s possible you’ll agree or disagree with my recommendation or supply your individual. Although some feedback veer off-topic, most present the significance and timeliness of those questions for our age group, and your willingness to assist one another with your individual recommendation. We’re creating significant group right here.
Do you need your query answered?
- I’m on the lookout for new questions that haven’t been addressed not too long ago, or ever, but have broad enchantment.
- You probably have a query just like others I’ve answered, put a brand new spin on it.
- I’m not certified to reply medical questions, so don’t ship me these.
- Apart from the occasional “Quickies” a few occasions a yr, I don’t reply quick questions.
- I’m most definitely to decide on a query with a transparent and attention-grabbing backstory. So don’t simply ask the query — inform me what’s occurring that led to the query.
Thanks, Senior Planet, for supporting my mission to speak out loud about senior intercourse and relationships and supply high quality data. Right here’s to a different ten years!
Particular due to Mac Marshall for his invaluable help studying and sorting all 123 columns!
YOUR TURN
Which columns or subjects significantly resonated with you or helped you clear up an issue you have been dealing with? Please reply within the feedback part.
Do you will have a query for Joan?
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- Test https://seniorplanet.org/creator/joan-price/ in case Joan has already addressed your matter.
- Joan can solely reply questions from individuals age 60 and above.
- Chosen questions shall be answered on this public column, not privately. If you need a non-public reply, you possibly can ebook Joan for a private session.
- In case your query is into account for Joan’s column, she is going to electronic mail you immediately and can solely choose your query for those who reply to her electronic mail. In the event you submit your query, please test your spam/junk folder in case your overzealous spam filter captures her electronic mail.
- Able to submit your query? E mail [email protected].
Joan Value has been Senior Planet’s “Intercourse at Our Age” columnist since 2014. She is the creator of 4 self-help books about senior intercourse, together with her award winners: “Bare at Our Age: Speaking Out Loud about Senior Intercourse” and “Intercourse after Grief: Navigating Your Sexuality after Shedding Your Beloved.” Go to Joan’s web site and weblog for senior intercourse information, views, ideas, and intercourse toy opinions from a senior perspective. Subscribe to Joan’s free, month-to-month e-newsletter.